i was supposed to work today, but they were overstaffed so i got to stay home. i don't get paid, but i learned not to be upset about it, because there's nothing i can do. that's the risk i take.
i went for a walk on some old dirt roads surrounding the smaller reservoir in my town. the town i live in is best known for our reservoir, which supplies drinking water to my state's biggest city. but i'll talk about that another time. i saw only a handful of cars, and got to enjoy the quiet of the woods, except for the cling-clang-cling of the loose change in my bag. it's too hot for most wildflowers this time of year, but there were a few varieties clinging on to life.
can we talk, for a second, about flies? and other flying insects? why, for the love of all that is holy, must they fly around my ears non-stop? i swat one away, and another takes its place. i'm lucky that i was walking on desolate roads otherwise i would been quite the sight to see.
the walk was just a little too long, and by the time i got back to the car, my feet were aching. my hip was aching (my right hip is slightly higher than the left so it always hurts after a long walk). i had a stitch in my side. i was thirsty. but i was glad i went for the walk. i felt better after being outside. i didn't want to go back inside when i got home. but i had to, so i could rest up for the rest of the night.
while i was walking, i had one heck of a scare. i was walking along, and turned a corner, and came upon a dog all by itself. i always get nervous when i stumble on a dog with no person around. especially when i'm on a dirt road in the middle of the woods with no cell phone service. i love dogs, don't get me wrong. i just don't love strange dogs, not at first. the dog looked at me like he didn't know what to make of me... barked and ran away.
phew. dodged that bullet.
later on in the walk, i came to the top of a very long hill. or what felt like a very long hill, but probably wasn't in reality. there was a beautiful farmstead at the top, which i wanted to take a couple of pictures of.
all of a sudden, in the corner of the viewfinder, a shape came into focus. a dog. bounding at me at top speed. and then, another one. the dog i encountered earlier in the walk. apparently, this farmstead owns a couple of border collies that they let roam free. my state has a leash law, so what they are doing is not only dumb, it's illegal. they could get hit by a car. or bite someone. or just scare the crap of them, which is what they did to me. once they got closer it was clear that they weren't going to attack me. the one i encountered earlier looked friendly and seemed to just want to sniff my bum. it's friend, on the other hand, didn't look so nice. i stood very, very still, waiting for it to sniff me until it was satisfied. i started walking again, and again, they ran toward me. talk about a heart pounding minute or two. i kept walking and eventually they turned back home. but really. gosh. totally irresponsible.
wednesday nights i volunteer at a therapeutic horse riding farm. disabled children of all kinds come to ride a horse for a half hour. it is great therapy for the kids, and for me. i go for two and a half hours every week, and love every minute of it. some weeks, i am so tired i wish i didn't have to go. but then i get there, and i see my kids, and i forget i was ever tired. or at least, that i didn't want to come. sometimes, no matter how hard i try, i'm still just too darn tired.
i sidewalk, which is exactly what it sounds like. there are three people that make up the therapy team. there is the leader, who leads the horse and does what the occupational therapist asks. the therapist walks on the left side of the horse, and i, on the right. my job is to hold on to the child's safety belt so they don't fall off in the event of an emergency, as well as assist with the lessons in various ways - throw a ball, toss a bean bag, give high fives, hold hands. our first child of the night is a boy who has seizures, who can be a handful sometimes. but he is so full of excitement and enthusiasm for everything. everything is wonderful. a pinwheel, a frog, a bell, an airplane. open garage doors and cars, especially. it can be difficult to make him focus on the task at hand, but deep down inside i think his outbursts are fantastic.
after him, we have a little boy who has many motor skill issues. he can't walk, has a hard time holding himself up, can't release a tight fist to throw a bean bag, and has very poor verbal skills. but he is always happy. always singing. he fixates on things for months at a time, and it's hysterical. he can be difficult, but his smile makes up for it. then, we have a little girl who i just love to pieces and want to take home. when i first started working there, this little girl did not say a word. she would ride in silence for the entire half hour. who knew that there was this bright, joyful, wonderful little girl in there? i don't know when it happened, but she started talking for us, and she hasn't stopped since. she is very well spoken and always says the funniest things. her sentence structures are very complex for her age and she never ceases to amaze me. the last little girl doesn't speak at all. she babbles, like a baby would, and says a few words: cow, ducky, horsey, owl, banana, "what are we going to do?!" some nights she can be tough - there are nights that she is just not happy, just doesn't want to ride, and she knows why, but she can't tell us. that's so frustrating. i long for the day that she can tell us why. she says more words now than she did when she first started, so just maybe, that day will come. when she's having a good night, though, she is great. she tells long and elaborate stories, always cracking herself up. i have no idea what she's saying, but it must be a good story, that's for sure.
these children are, for the most part, always happy. they have bad days like everyone else, but on the whole, most days are good. they are children who may never talk, may never walk, may never have a job or live alone. but they find joy and amazement in everything they see and hear, they don't let their disabilities bring them down. perhaps they are just too young for feelings like that - who knows. all i know is that their happiness makes my heart sing, and my week is so much better for it.
in september, i am going to have to switch nights because of a late class - i am going to have to leave my kids. i'm going to miss them so much. i know that i will come to love the new kids, too. but i will miss these, that's for sure.
