today.

today was hard.

 

i felt like the weather - gray; overcast with a chance of thunderstorms. the weather seems to affect me more than anything. i wanted to go outside - even if it was just to sit in the backyard and read. i've started doing that more often - i drag out my canvas chair, sunglasses, a book. i stick my chair in the shade under the tree (which we've recently realized is a walnut tree, so i have to be watch out for mature walnuts falling down on my head) and read until the sun gets to be too hot, or the bugs too annoying, or both. days like today, i don't get outside. it looked like rain all morning, and by the time i left for work, it still hadn't rained. guess i could have gone out anyway.

 

sometimes the stupidest things make me angry. i'm talking red faced, clenched fist, swearing angry. red faced angry about my hair. i'm glad i was home alone because that would have been embarassing. i couldn't get the bun to look right. instead of aborting the hair style i was attempting... no... that would have been too easy. instead, i kept trying and trying and trying until i got so mad i felt like pulling my hair out and throwing the hair brush. eventually i did what i should have done in the first place and just did something else. but really. MY HAIR threw me into a fit of rage. seriously?

 

of course, then, i went to scoop the litter box, and every plastic bag i pulled out had a hole in it. universe: 2; me: 0.

 

sigh.

 

i wish i knew why the small things get to me. i can't just overlook insignificant things. why? i don't understand. i know that the little things are too small to get upset over. my rational mind knows this. so why doesn't my emotional mind get the picture? wake up, emotional mind. i want to be happy, not angry. i want to enjoy the small things, not let them bother me. i want to enjoy LIFE, not hide from it. get with the program, here.

on the bright side, the rest of the day was alright. work was okay, albeit a bit boring. okay, very boring. tomorrow we have plans to go to a seafood festival, a pig roast, and tractor pulls. :)